I'm lost and stupid without you.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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