You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
