gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
