I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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