Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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