My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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