I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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