break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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