Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
im holly from the hills drunk
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
