All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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