I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
It was confusing and full of hummus
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
