The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
