you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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