the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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