drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
