let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
