I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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