A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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