new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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