I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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