it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
