The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
