just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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