I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
