my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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