a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
