that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
