My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
