I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Im part way to drunk.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
