Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
