I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
These tits shall not be calmed
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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