I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
