a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
