Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
