Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
