she smelled like a LAN party
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
