guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
