Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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