you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
