I am puke
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
