I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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