and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
