do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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