Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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