She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
