Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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