Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
