before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
