i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
