Texts From Last Night

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  (408): View more from California

  the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW

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  (408): the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW http://tfl.nu/xrjr
  Replies (9) Good night (849) Bad night (2264)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.

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  (254): just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night. http://tfl.nu/wct2
  Replies (37) Good night (5407) Bad night (1111)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.

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  (612): Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place. http://tfl.nu/cfbh
  Replies (19) Good night (1081) Bad night (4845)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.

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  (817): It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it. http://tfl.nu/48x8
  Replies (37) Good night (3674) Bad night (1264)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.

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  (541): i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis. http://tfl.nu/2bxd
  Replies (35) Good night (1260) Bad night (8232)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function

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  (201): I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function http://tfl.nu/ad1f
  Replies (9) Good night (2636) Bad night (1114)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.

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  (405): I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway. http://tfl.nu/1jw1
  Replies (11) Good night (2861) Bad night (1502)
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  (310): View more from California

  I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.

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  (310): I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right. http://tfl.nu/p298
  Replies (2) Good night (1990) Bad night (1094)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made

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  (714): Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made http://tfl.nu/j4f1
  Replies (7) Good night (1771) Bad night (521)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?

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  (630): I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So? http://tfl.nu/1vsx
  Replies (6) Good night (659) Bad night (1349)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  May the one with the liver that just won't quit win

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  (843): May the one with the liver that just won't quit win http://tfl.nu/5sn2
  Replies (3) Good night (993) Bad night (558)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.

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  (506): There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet. http://tfl.nu/yw9h
  Replies (23) Good night (1128) Bad night (612)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest

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  (402): Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest http://tfl.nu/bslf
  Replies (0) Good night (480) Bad night (282)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.

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  (518): I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed. http://tfl.nu/rfcq
  Replies (3) Good night (689) Bad night (315)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.

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  (412): I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off. http://tfl.nu/rlx7
  Replies (4) Good night (363) Bad night (248)

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