That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.