I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
