I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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