Porn is love you can see.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
