This house was built for laser tag.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
