Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
