Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
