I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
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You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?