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• (585): View more from New York

  broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.

  (716): View more from New York

  you're writing country songs now?

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• (916): View more from California

  And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.

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  23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (720): View more from Colorado

  were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.

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• (619): View more from California

  how did you know i stayed over last night?

  (702): View more from Nevada

  there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom

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• 

  These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (501): View more from Arkansas

  My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  "Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.

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• (914): View more from New York

  Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.

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• (210): View more from Texas

  He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.

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• (801): View more from Utah

  The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.

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