life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.