Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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