The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
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Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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