Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
