1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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