I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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