I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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