I'm so fucking centered right now
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
