mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
