did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
