Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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