i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
