Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
