I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
