pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
