I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
