Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
