Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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