erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Boobs are out for the taking
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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