Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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