I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
