kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
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Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
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The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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