standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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