Cold hands, warm shart.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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