I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
operation have a gay friend backfired
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
