the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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