the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
